Discussion tips
Why Direct Arguing Doesn’t Work
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Arguing directly surely feels exciting and productive, but it rarely convinces anyone.
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The best you can hope for in a conversation with somebody who has very different beliefs from you is to slighlty shake their confidence, and open the door to future curiousity and discussions.
4 tips to help you in discussions
Note: These tips are for use in discussions. If a person is attacking you and is not respectful, DO NOT ENGAGE. Walk away from any abusive situation. If a person is not interested in discussion, do not be their punching bag.
1. Focus on Confidence, Not Knowledge
You don’t need to overwhelm people with more facts; instead, aim to gently loosen their certainty.
How? Ask questions.
Example questions:
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Is this something you know from direct knowledge or just something you heard?
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On a scale from 1–100, how complex do you think the situation is between Israel, Hamas, and the Palestinians?
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What would it take to change your mind?
2. Why Questions Work
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Questions work because they get people to recognise themselves, their lack of knowledge and their gaps in understanding.
Questions invite the other person to think for themselves rather than dig in defensively.
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Questions can also invoke empathy.
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Compare these two approaches:
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Statement: “Hamas burned children alive.”
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Question: “How would you feel as a mother who watched their children be burned alive?”
The second approach transposes the listener into the perspective of the mother.
This helps create empathy.
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3. Acknowledge Complexity
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When you acknowledge the complexity of the situation, you avoid triggering defensiveness.
When people are suffering, it is not helpful to tell them that they are wrong. Empathizing with pain is the right thing to do. Even if it is not reciprocated.
Don't hold back from acknowledging the pain of the other side.
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Often, they want to hear that there is some correct base to their position, and only after getting this acknowledgement are they willing to go into a discussion.
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4. The Role of Intellectual Humility
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There’s an individual personality trait called intellectual humility – the idea that we can live with ambiguity, that people are not perfectly good or perfectly bad, and the world is a complex place.
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Basically, one of our goals is to implement more intellectual humility into people and get them to realise the complexity and the nuances of the situation.